POETRY: Prince Andrew Gives An Interview

Prince Andrew is a walking, talking PR Disaster for the Royal Family right now.

Of course, he’s been in this position before – but this most recent hour-long interview in a bid to clear his name of the negative association with Jeffrey Epstein has – experts all agree – done nothing for the Prince’s cause.

At no point in his interview did Prince Andrew express his sympathies for Epstein’s victims. Nor did he offer the (surely obvious… and twice prompted) line of regret regarding his association with a convicted paedophile.

Prince Andrew doesn’t seem to have helped himself here, but I’m not sure he quite understands why. He might have well have said this:

Prince Andrew Gives An Interview

“I’m muddled, confuddled, confused and perplexed
About a friendship of mine that has got you quite vexed.
A relationship that, I assure you, no doubt,
Was unspuriously innocent – nay, learnéd. Devout.
A friendship that taught me, pushed borders of knowledge –
I say, it wasn’t naughty or solaciously squalid.
I ate pizza that night, if an alibi I must –
I don’t owe you an answer for another man’s lust.
So, I beg you to offer one sensible suggestion
Why I shouldn’t be buddies with the paedo-rapist in question.”